the blog cabin

David Stern is a giant piece of shit...

2008-05-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe I am biased, or just maybe I care too much about the Detroit Pistons. Anyway I try to rationalize it in my head it comes out the same. The NBA is completely fake and David Stern is the equivalent of Vince Mcmanon. Not only is he a total pagan corporate whore, he is also oblivious to making wise decisions with whom he elects as basketball Gods. I think the downfall of the league came around the time of the Michael Jordan era. I am not in any means trying to take away what MJ did, he TOTALLY earned his legacy and iconic status. But after he left, Stern started handing the keys to the league to any 18 year old with some hype. He forgot that great players take time to become stars and quality basketball has nothing to do with marketing. Stars make them themselves and as a league they should focus on the teams/players that win, bottom line. Rules have been modified year after year to ensure that players that he picks as the next big thing will have an easier time rising to the top. Lost in his tweaking of the rules and force fed new stars is what everyone really loved. Real basketball. The refs control everything, momentum is shifted the second an "NBA/Media darling" is getting pummeled. Players that can actually defend, hit a 17 foot jumper, hustle, play with emotion are hastily brushed aside for the next big thing. I watch the old footage of what the NBA used to be like and I am overwhelmed by the passion and quality of the game. Now, I have to sit through a predestined marketing scheme that teeters so close to obvious I can barely stand to watch as I already know the outcome. It is exactly like wrestling, every now and then a new villain is created to crush the hero only for the hero to have his triumphant title. So David Stern I hope bad karma attacks every facet of your shitty devious life. As for my man Sheed, you are dead on and maybe the only player in the league that has the balls to call it like it is, I can only wish you and the Stones can overcome the Celtic slight of hand and win this thing. And if you do, it's only going to get worse, Kobe is loved again...

Things that make me want to punch myself in the face...

2008-04-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

I drank a lot last night, thus I have been laying on the couch all day like a beached whale, quietly crying inside while I have my eyes and ears brutally raped by television. Which brings me to this, a vehement tirade that only comes from watching TV for 12 hours. Let's get right into it.

1. Ultimate Fighting. I will admit that I like watching grown men beating the shit out of each other. It is entertaining and easy to get into. But I swear people have already taken this shit too far. I know at least 5 guys that are "training" in hopes of becoming an ultimate fighter. I see them getting trashed at the bar wearing their stupid fighter gear (Under Armor, Tapout, excessive screen print white trash tribal shit) coupled with fighter haircuts (mohawk or faux hawk) picking fights anyone that invades their turf. I hate these dudes and their tan trashy chicks with their bud-lite blue eyes. Don't breed.

2. Tiger Woods. You have done an amazing job hiding the fact that you are a robot. Congrats. But do you really need more endorsements? You are a billionaire, you can let a few things slide and not plaster your name on everything. Does the world really need Tiger's own line of performance drinks? Couldn't you just have your own flavor like Jordan did with Citrus Cooler (btw it was totally solid)? But noooooo Gatorade thinks Tiger should have an entire product line. What is next? Tiger tampons? I can almost visualize the commercial. "Tiger tampons, when you need a hole in one every time"

3. I saved this asshole for last. I hate this guy and I want to fight him. I feel like he is personally taking a potato peeler to my eyes every time I see this. If karma and reincarnation really exist this dude should come back as a deformed male prostitute where he is forced to service mutant Chernobyl victims. That would be almost fair. Almost.

There will be blood...

2008-04-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. I know I might be a little late on this but who cares. I watched "There will be blood" today and I have come to a conclusion. Daniel Day Lewis is completely batshit insane and I love it. The movie as a whole wasn't what I expected, it was like they tricked Daniel into thinking they were making a movie. But really it was a 3 hour long chance for the film maker to video tape Lewis basically being himself. I am willing to bet that there wasn't even a script. I wonder if the scene where Lewis kills the guy with a bowling pin is real. That's how convincing Lewis is. Man that dude is sweet...

ENOUGH!

2008-04-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

I love Detroit sports. That being said I have to vent about this. I already loathe the Fox network and the giant slop of programs they pollute to the world, but this is too much. Who the fuck thought to themselves that this is good? Whoever green-lighted this commercial needs to beaten with wet leather belts until their skin melts off the bone. This song sucks, the dude with the goggles is a nauseating douche bag, and they play this thing NON-STOP. I cant take it. And to salt my wounds the Tigers are complete shit. April in the D!

2000 and Bass!!!

2008-02-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

In the tradition of bass pioneers such as DJ Magic Mike, Poison Clan, MC A.D.E., DJ Assault and basically anyone with an insane amount of bass I have embarked on a weekly mission to record (by record, I mean torture ears) a bass tribute album that encompasses many different eras of bass. With the help of a silent partner (by silent, I mean he is too ashamed to be named) we have recorded 2 full tracks of speaker ripping trash. Tentatively titled "2000 and Bass" this album should invoke memories of a time much simpler. Kenwood, Alpine, Kicker, and Rockford Fosgate ruled the inside of hatch-backs throughout my youth and I intend to give this place in time its overdue homage. I will posting the title track shortly so stay tuned in.

return of the blog..

2008-01-21T10:58:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah...It's basically been forever since I have posted a blog and I really don't have a solid excuse on why but I figured this is totally worthy of a new post. After a night of football and food, I found myself in my local watering hole (The Alley Bar) last night for a couple drinks. The bar was pretty empty as temperatures were in the single digit area in Ann Arbor and without some locals to socialize with I nearly packed it in, settling for an early night. Fortunately I chose to stay a tad longer as my night would get uniquely better. The door opened pushing a fresh wave of faces and icy air. A guy named Jeff and his dog "Caster" pulled up some stools right next to me. Caster sat stoically in his stool and ordered a whiskey and water in a bowl as Jeff and I got through the getting to know yous. After a few rounds in us the time had came for shots. "Puppy Shots" flowed as Caster and I lapped away at our respective bowls. Caster was pretty much the best bar buddy I have ever encountered as we drank and discussed a wide range of topics ranging from politics, football, and bitches. Many "Puppy Shots" had been tucked away into our livers and it finally took its toll on the young lad as he passed out at the bar. Goodbyes were said and kisses exchanged as we went about our separate ways into the winter night.

If you want to destroy my sweater...

2007-10-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

It's starting to smell rotten in Denmark. What started out as a simple dry cleaning has turned into potential war. Back in July while working with my comrade Marc Labelle in Pasadena, I had dropped off my sweater (see photo) into the hands of the Ritz Carlton. The next day I received my sweater folded nicely on my bed only to realize they had manhandled it. It had been reshaped to fit an oompa loompa and the tag had been torn. Heartbroken that my prized cashmere dream had been shattered I turned to help of Mr. Labelle. Marc being the diplomat when it comes to negotiations with hotel concierges I figured my loss was safe in his hands. After a meeting with our liaison in the concierge room I felt relieved by their offer of a gift certificate to replace my magical sweater. Situation resolved, so I naively thought. Months fly by and the nights get cooler which brings me to today. As I scroll through my closet looking for a warm sweater to break the chill of what finally feels like fall I stumble upon my old pal. Immediately my heart and soul is filled with anger and sorrow over the inability to wear that comfy staple. To make matters worse (as if they could possibly be) I still have not received my promised gift certificate. This is where it gets weird. As I am pining in my closet the phone rings, it's Marc and he is repeating the word sweater with an ominous tone. We talk briefly about the usual and he says he is still working on my gift certificate. I am starting to think this was all a sinister plan by Labellicus to strip me of my cashmere armor and toy with my spirit. I am going to put some thought into the dialogue of events and if they add up it means one thing. WAR! Hope you are ready you old warrior.

I got that work!

2007-10-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

Another weekend, another cannon ball run to the Pere Marquette river. As the season winds down I made hopefully not my last of 12 trips to the PM/LM this year, and it was probably the best of the year. I met my fishing partner Ryan at our usual M59/US23 parking lot at 3am on Saturday morning to make the drive up. After 3 hours of awesome radio and red bull we got into Baldwin around 6am and headed straight for BBT. Picked up a few necessities, arranged a car spot, got out room keys, and went straight to the river. Wanting to avoid the insane number of people up north this weekend we went down to the lower/mid waters. Besides the walk in areas along the drift the Lower to Walhalla stretch was pretty much 6 or 7 drift boats besides us. Met a really solid 2 man crew of older fishermen that we played leap frog with all day. It was nice to see a couple 60 something guys throwing their drift boat over the guard rail at Lower, made me laugh as I thought the young guys were the only ones that did that. We beat the boats down to a couple holes that always seem to have guides on them but the fish just werent in there. For this stretch it seemed the fish were strictly on the redds or deep shoots next to them. I really dont like fishing redds but I dislike not catching fish even more so we gave in. Logmark area and Mapleleaf had tons of fish on the redds and even more people. Luckily we found a nice area just past Mapleleaf between Barothy's that had a great number of fish in it. Mixed up technique and flies with great results/patience. We actually pissed off enough salmon to get them to bite. Hooked into nearly 30 fish between the two of us and actually landed 6 fair hooked ones. Overall a really good day, but really tired as we both havent went to sleep in a day or so.

Sunday we wanted to a shorter drift so we went down to Rainbow to Sulak. Not many people on that stretch except for the usual guides that have to drop in a Macdougals. Fishing was really slow and we nearly got skunked. But thankfully we found a deep hole near the end of the drift with an amazing number (60 to 70) of FRESH salmon in it. One of the best days I have had in years. The hole was covered in shade and leaves so it really helped in hiding our lines. If it wasnt for the giant log running down the backside (salmon magnet) we would of landed more but still ended up with 5 or 6 each. Overall a really sucessful weekend if it ends up being my last for salmon. Met a few groups of really nice people which made fishing even more fun. Hopefully we will get one more run and I will get another weekend away from home.

new section..

2007-09-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

It adds up.
It all adds up.

Every few weeks it seems a ton of new shit (ie: products, people, opinions) are shoved in our faces and with some leaving a horrible taste in my mouth. I could go on and on about whats wrong with everything in my cynical mind but I would most likely come across insane or dragging. Anyways I want to do a new section in this blog dedicated to the "shit" that just blows my mind. I am still tossing around a couple names for this section and for now I will simply leave it at:

"Things that make me want to punch myself in the face"

1. Cross promotional marketing: I believe the picture says it all. How dare you Mountain Dew use your mystical wizard juice in such a manner. You are shaming yourself. And the word "gamer-fuel" is the most retarded word ever. EVER!

2. Perez Hilton: Just stick to the website man. You are good at it and it's funny. Don't ruin the whole thing by actually letting people see how sad your life really is.

3. Sports media: Sports writers used to be articulate well educated quirky dudes with tweed jackets on that wrote about the games and players they loved or hated. Now it's about douchy web geeks with absolutely no journalistic savy writing about bullshit scandals. Sports scandals ? Do we need to care that much ? If you put a microscope on every person on the planet you are going to find we are all fucked up in our own ways. Want something to write about ? Try an article on how John Madden is a robot that lives on pork chops and gun powder. Classy!

4. Kayne West: Dude you are making it impossible for me to like you. And it's spreading.

5. Beards: Fuck you beards! Because I cant grow you.

Blam!

hail to the drunks..

2007-09-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

I should of seen this coming. After many years of being a staunch University of Michigan football supporter and overall shit talker the once mighty Wolverines are horrible. I am kinda late with this post but it really has taken me a couple weeks to let this sink in. In all of my 20 years of regularly watching U of M football I cant remember seeing a more over-hyped bunch of losers ever. The blame has been kindly tossed in the laps of our coaching staff, which I agree shares a fair amount of the blame. But after seeing the players out getting trashed on a regular basis around town one would have to think that the players themselves need to take the hit. For example after the Oregon bludgeoning wouldnt any respectable player who gives a shit about his storied school and his own career not be at the bar wasted, celebrating like he just won the Heisman ? That was not the case. To make it even worse the leaders of the team are the ones I see out. Crable, Hart, Arrington all drunks. Maybe Carr should put these kids on lock down during the season like Bo would have. And now we get to see wonder kid Ryan Mallett suit up for his first college start. The wrap on the Texas native is that he has the biggest arm coming out of high school since Elway and an even bigger ego to match it (I can confirm first hand that the kid is an asshole). He is starting in place of the injured ? senior Chad Henne who has taken his NFL draft stock and puked all over it. If we end up losing to the equally pathetic Notre Dame the coaching staff should throw in the towel on this season and start playing only freshman and sophmores to get ready for next year. And start looking for new jobs on craigslist. So Lloyd please get your shit together because I am tired of constant let down by Michigan and sick to my stomach from eating crow.

The L is silent...

2007-09-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since my last post, seeing that I have been tucked away in the northwest rivers of Michigan for the past week. Phone service has been spotty at best and internet was not an option, which I fully enjoyed. I cant possibly begin to express how nice it feels to not carry a phone, blackberry, and laptop around all day. Now on to the fishing. As indicated by my last name my favorite past time seemed pre-destined and with a little help from the weather I finally got to get into some Michigan migratory salmon on the Pere Marquette River this past week. The lack of rain and the high temps they have received up there has delayed the annual salmon push and fishing was going to take more work that usual to get into them. The PM runs from the mouth of Pere Marquette Lake for 66 miles for some of the countries best blue ribbon trout, steelhead, and salmon fishing. And when conditions are like what I experienced last week the fishing can be tedious. Luckily I have a few years of fishing the PM under my belt and I was able to put our group on some fish. The fish were in slower waters as pre-spawn staging seemed to be taking place. I was running eggs tandom with a short tippet as staging fish like to be suspended off the river bottom anywhere from 2 to 3 feet. I didnt get into as many fish as I wanted to but I still managed to land almost more fish than our entire group combined (20 people). Here are some photos of some the strong bastards that are resting in my freezer right now. I am most likely going back up this weekend so I will have a new fishing report for you next week.
Enjoy.

my superbad post.

2007-08-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

By now everyone with a brain has seen this amazing movie. I can proudly say I have actually went three times and it keeps getting better to me. But there is a problem. One of the last scenes and most memorable is when Evan and Seth end up at Evan's parents house after the party was broken up by the cops. Snuggled up in their respective sleeping bags next to each other they begin to proclaim their love for one another. The climax to the scene is when Seth "boops" Evan on the cheek. I found this to be really funny. Here lies the problem. Everytime I start getting drunk I feel the need to "boop" people. It started with my friends, girlfriend, and eventually graduated into booping random people. I know it's obscenely rude and will most likely end with me getting smacked or worse but I can't stop. It's just way too funny. My good friend Nathaniel and I went on a booping rampage the other night and the reactions were priceless. He booped a group of 5 people that we did not know as they entered the bar. I dont believe they had seen the movie and were left with most confused look on their faces. I laughed so hard vodka poured out of my nose.

So today I got two phone calls from people that know first hand of my booping problem and they both informed me that they saw people booping this weekend. This also made me laugh, but I kinda felt empty as if my rude trailblazing acts were un-original. Maybe this news will cure my urge to boop everything in sight, being the hipster that I am I would never be part of a trend after it hits the mainstream (see Hipster Olympics). I hope Apatow and gang know what they have started. BOOP!

diver down...

2007-08-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

After 22 years of completely denying the public awesomeness, Van Halen finally wised up and brought back David Lee Roth into the fold and announced a US tour. And metro Detroit being the burnout haven it is, VH is doing two shows here. Which brings me to this, FUCK YEAH! Look, VH after Diamond Dave was about the gayest shit ever, and I am still somewhat pissed that Eddie Van Halen really replaced DLR with Sammy Hagar and some other dudes. I am now just forgiving him for raping my ears for 20 years with some of the worst cock rock ever made. But Eddie is on a roll. First DLR, then a tour, and finally he is having his 16 year old son Wolfgang Van Halen play bass for original bassist Michael Anthony. Spawn from Eddie and Valerie Bertinelli, Wolfgang is some feathered haired genius when it comes to music. Besides having awesome genes, his name alone is really sweet. In preparation for the concert I started searching ebay for some gear to sport. And look what I purchased today. I know what your thinking, Fisher just scored the most kick ass t-shirt ever. And you are right. So October 20th if you happen to be downtown Detroit keep your eyes peeled for the drunkest sleeveless man you have ever seen!

One side note: How do you become an Ebay model ? This dude makes me happy.

douches...

2007-08-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

I have spent the better part of 12 years in Ann Arbor and I have to say the overall amount of douche-bags has atleast tripled. When I first came to this town it was submerged in petruli oil soaked hippies. Which always made me ponder why would someone want to smell like a throwback stripper covering up a giant armpit. But I digress. Today this town has been seized by semi- hipster all american douches. Perhaps the only good thing about it is this little gem. I actually know this dude (his name is JAR, no I didnt make that up) and the girl (BEAST) that he is with is not his girlfriend. His girlfriend by the way is fucking hot, really hot. A little maltese dream which I have no clue on how he pulled her, considering she rags on how bad of fuck he is right in front of him. Anyways, I kinda thought this pic sums up whats going on around here. I think for my blogs sake I feel its necessary to post a weekly douche report. Filled with commentary and pics. Enjoy!

One more thing. DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT BITCHES ARMPIT TITTIES!

oh well...

2007-08-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I have always been somewhat skeptical of blogging and blogs in general. The word alone is enough to make me vomit when spoken. But after reading the "rosenblog" I have had a change of heart. If done correctly, blogs (man, I really wish there was a better word) are not so bad. So I guess it would be safe to say "rosenblog" is my blogging muse that has lead me to this critical point. Big up to The Bunyon Chop Shop and this is your reward.