new section..

It adds up.
It all adds up.

Every few weeks it seems a ton of new shit (ie: products, people, opinions) are shoved in our faces and with some leaving a horrible taste in my mouth. I could go on and on about whats wrong with everything in my cynical mind but I would most likely come across insane or dragging. Anyways I want to do a new section in this blog dedicated to the "shit" that just blows my mind. I am still tossing around a couple names for this section and for now I will simply leave it at:

"Things that make me want to punch myself in the face"

1. Cross promotional marketing: I believe the picture says it all. How dare you Mountain Dew use your mystical wizard juice in such a manner. You are shaming yourself. And the word "gamer-fuel" is the most retarded word ever. EVER!

2. Perez Hilton: Just stick to the website man. You are good at it and it's funny. Don't ruin the whole thing by actually letting people see how sad your life really is.

3. Sports media: Sports writers used to be articulate well educated quirky dudes with tweed jackets on that wrote about the games and players they loved or hated. Now it's about douchy web geeks with absolutely no journalistic savy writing about bullshit scandals. Sports scandals ? Do we need to care that much ? If you put a microscope on every person on the planet you are going to find we are all fucked up in our own ways. Want something to write about ? Try an article on how John Madden is a robot that lives on pork chops and gun powder. Classy!

4. Kayne West: Dude you are making it impossible for me to like you. And it's spreading.

5. Beards: Fuck you beards! Because I cant grow you.

Blam!

hail to the drunks..

I should of seen this coming. After many years of being a staunch University of Michigan football supporter and overall shit talker the once mighty Wolverines are horrible. I am kinda late with this post but it really has taken me a couple weeks to let this sink in. In all of my 20 years of regularly watching U of M football I cant remember seeing a more over-hyped bunch of losers ever. The blame has been kindly tossed in the laps of our coaching staff, which I agree shares a fair amount of the blame. But after seeing the players out getting trashed on a regular basis around town one would have to think that the players themselves need to take the hit. For example after the Oregon bludgeoning wouldnt any respectable player who gives a shit about his storied school and his own career not be at the bar wasted, celebrating like he just won the Heisman ? That was not the case. To make it even worse the leaders of the team are the ones I see out. Crable, Hart, Arrington all drunks. Maybe Carr should put these kids on lock down during the season like Bo would have. And now we get to see wonder kid Ryan Mallett suit up for his first college start. The wrap on the Texas native is that he has the biggest arm coming out of high school since Elway and an even bigger ego to match it (I can confirm first hand that the kid is an asshole). He is starting in place of the injured ? senior Chad Henne who has taken his NFL draft stock and puked all over it. If we end up losing to the equally pathetic Notre Dame the coaching staff should throw in the towel on this season and start playing only freshman and sophmores to get ready for next year. And start looking for new jobs on craigslist. So Lloyd please get your shit together because I am tired of constant let down by Michigan and sick to my stomach from eating crow.

The L is silent...

It's been awhile since my last post, seeing that I have been tucked away in the northwest rivers of Michigan for the past week. Phone service has been spotty at best and internet was not an option, which I fully enjoyed. I cant possibly begin to express how nice it feels to not carry a phone, blackberry, and laptop around all day. Now on to the fishing. As indicated by my last name my favorite past time seemed pre-destined and with a little help from the weather I finally got to get into some Michigan migratory salmon on the Pere Marquette River this past week. The lack of rain and the high temps they have received up there has delayed the annual salmon push and fishing was going to take more work that usual to get into them. The PM runs from the mouth of Pere Marquette Lake for 66 miles for some of the countries best blue ribbon trout, steelhead, and salmon fishing. And when conditions are like what I experienced last week the fishing can be tedious. Luckily I have a few years of fishing the PM under my belt and I was able to put our group on some fish. The fish were in slower waters as pre-spawn staging seemed to be taking place. I was running eggs tandom with a short tippet as staging fish like to be suspended off the river bottom anywhere from 2 to 3 feet. I didnt get into as many fish as I wanted to but I still managed to land almost more fish than our entire group combined (20 people). Here are some photos of some the strong bastards that are resting in my freezer right now. I am most likely going back up this weekend so I will have a new fishing report for you next week.
Enjoy.

my superbad post.

By now everyone with a brain has seen this amazing movie. I can proudly say I have actually went three times and it keeps getting better to me. But there is a problem. One of the last scenes and most memorable is when Evan and Seth end up at Evan's parents house after the party was broken up by the cops. Snuggled up in their respective sleeping bags next to each other they begin to proclaim their love for one another. The climax to the scene is when Seth "boops" Evan on the cheek. I found this to be really funny. Here lies the problem. Everytime I start getting drunk I feel the need to "boop" people. It started with my friends, girlfriend, and eventually graduated into booping random people. I know it's obscenely rude and will most likely end with me getting smacked or worse but I can't stop. It's just way too funny. My good friend Nathaniel and I went on a booping rampage the other night and the reactions were priceless. He booped a group of 5 people that we did not know as they entered the bar. I dont believe they had seen the movie and were left with most confused look on their faces. I laughed so hard vodka poured out of my nose.

So today I got two phone calls from people that know first hand of my booping problem and they both informed me that they saw people booping this weekend. This also made me laugh, but I kinda felt empty as if my rude trailblazing acts were un-original. Maybe this news will cure my urge to boop everything in sight, being the hipster that I am I would never be part of a trend after it hits the mainstream (see Hipster Olympics). I hope Apatow and gang know what they have started. BOOP!

diver down...

After 22 years of completely denying the public awesomeness, Van Halen finally wised up and brought back David Lee Roth into the fold and announced a US tour. And metro Detroit being the burnout haven it is, VH is doing two shows here. Which brings me to this, FUCK YEAH! Look, VH after Diamond Dave was about the gayest shit ever, and I am still somewhat pissed that Eddie Van Halen really replaced DLR with Sammy Hagar and some other dudes. I am now just forgiving him for raping my ears for 20 years with some of the worst cock rock ever made. But Eddie is on a roll. First DLR, then a tour, and finally he is having his 16 year old son Wolfgang Van Halen play bass for original bassist Michael Anthony. Spawn from Eddie and Valerie Bertinelli, Wolfgang is some feathered haired genius when it comes to music. Besides having awesome genes, his name alone is really sweet. In preparation for the concert I started searching ebay for some gear to sport. And look what I purchased today. I know what your thinking, Fisher just scored the most kick ass t-shirt ever. And you are right. So October 20th if you happen to be downtown Detroit keep your eyes peeled for the drunkest sleeveless man you have ever seen!

One side note: How do you become an Ebay model ? This dude makes me happy.

douches...

I have spent the better part of 12 years in Ann Arbor and I have to say the overall amount of douche-bags has atleast tripled. When I first came to this town it was submerged in petruli oil soaked hippies. Which always made me ponder why would someone want to smell like a throwback stripper covering up a giant armpit. But I digress. Today this town has been seized by semi- hipster all american douches. Perhaps the only good thing about it is this little gem. I actually know this dude (his name is JAR, no I didnt make that up) and the girl (BEAST) that he is with is not his girlfriend. His girlfriend by the way is fucking hot, really hot. A little maltese dream which I have no clue on how he pulled her, considering she rags on how bad of fuck he is right in front of him. Anyways, I kinda thought this pic sums up whats going on around here. I think for my blogs sake I feel its necessary to post a weekly douche report. Filled with commentary and pics. Enjoy!


One more thing. DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT BITCHES ARMPIT TITTIES!

oh well...

I have to admit that I have always been somewhat skeptical of blogging and blogs in general. The word alone is enough to make me vomit when spoken. But after reading the "rosenblog" I have had a change of heart. If done correctly, blogs (man, I really wish there was a better word) are not so bad. So I guess it would be safe to say "rosenblog" is my blogging muse that has lead me to this critical point. Big up to The Bunyon Chop Shop and this is your reward.